Bored In Meetings?
Try these techniques:
- Produce a hamster from your pocket and suggest throwing it to one
another as a means of idea-exchange
- Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids
- Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs then avoid sitting
on it, when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it,
cover your mouth and gasp
- Drop meaningless & confusing management speak into
conversations such as: 'what's the margin, marvin?' 'When's this turkey
going to get basted?' 'If we don't get this brook babbling we're all
going to end up looking like doe-eyed labradors'
- Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda.
Then hand out pieces of paper that read: My secret agenda 1 Trample the
weak 2 Triumph alone.
Re-collect them sheepishly and ask everyone to
pretend they haven't seen them
- Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch
- Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone
is prompted to interject shout 'I AM NOT FINISHED'
- When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute one
biscuit to each of the attendees, then systematically smash each one
with your fist in front of them
- Chew tobacco
- Wear a hands free phone headset throughout
- Once in a while drift off into an unrelated conversation, such
as: 'I don't care if there are no dwarfs, just get the show done!'
- Write the words 'he fancies you' on your pad and show it to the
person next to you while indicating with your pen
- Respond to a serious question with: 'I don't know what to say,
obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast'
- Use 'Nam style jargon such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on
recon?' & 'Charlie don't surf'
- Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and
when anyone moves re-arrange the figures accordingly
- Shave one of your forearms
- Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your
legs stretched out. Announce that you 'love this dirty town'
- Walk directly up to a colleague and stand nose to nose with him
for 10 seconds
- Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat
- Reflect sunlight into everyone's eyes off your watch face
- Gargle with water
- Repeat every idea they express in a baby voice while moving your
hand like a chattering mouth
- Gradually push yourself closer and closer to the door on your
- Hum throughout
- Pull out a large roll of bank notes and count them demonstratively
- Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact
lenses that white out your eyes