David Brent's Office Wisdom

David Brent

  1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
  3. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.
  4. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
  5. Never do today that which will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow.
  6. Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!
  7. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.
  8. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
  9. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts because then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
  10. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
  11. If your boss is getting you down, look at them through the prongs of a fork and imagine them in jail.
  12. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
  13. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
  14. You have to be 100% behind someone before you can stab them in the back.
  15. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
  16. There's no 'I' in 'team'. But there's one in 'useless smug git'.  And four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. 
  17. If you're going to be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
  18. Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. I like your style, boss.
  19. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else's?
  20. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.