- A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep.
- Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always
circle the stain in permanent pen so that when you remove the garment
from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain
and check that it has gone.
- Give comics that 'Pulp Fiction' feel by reading the last frames
of cartoons first, then reading the rest in a random order.
- High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for
a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
- Olympic athletes. Conceal the fact that you have taken
performance enhancing drugs by simply running a little slower and
letting someone else win.
- Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of
your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough
to insulate your loft.
- Motorists. Enjoy the freedom of cycling by removing your
windscreen, sticking half a melon skin on your head, then jumping red
lights and driving the wrong way up one way streets.
- Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping
your chin in a bowl of iron filings.
- A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for
costly maps when visiting the Sahara desert.
- Toblerone chocolate bars make ideal 'toast racks' for Ritz
- Convince neighbours that you have invented a 'SHRINKING' device
by ruffling your hair, wearing a white laboratory coats and parking a
JCB digger outside your house for a few days. Then dim and flicker the
lights in your house during the night and replace the JCB unseen, with
a Tonka toy of the same description. Watch their faces in the morning!
- Only go to the toilet at work. Not only will you save money on
toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.
- Feed bees oranges. Hey presto! They make marmalade instead of
- Mini Metro drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your
car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like sodding
dodgem cars anyway, so they may as well look like one.
- Tape a chocolate bar to the outside of your microwave. If the
chocolate melts you will know that the microwaves are escaping and it
is time to have the oven serviced.