Top Tips


PREVENT your milkman from becoming complacent by never ordering the same number of pints twice, and hiding your empties all around your front garden.
M. Cooper, Leyland

TIE a fish on a piece of string, climb up onto your neighbour's roof, and dangle the fish in front of his window. He'll think his house is underwater.
R.R., Kent

A bicycle pump used backwards makes a handy makeshift vacuum cleaner.
T. Elm, Hornchurch, Essex

GIVE your pet tortoise 'bull bars' by slipping the wire off a champagne cork over his head.
J. Bobble, Tinsley

ACTION Men embedded in a half a grapefruit make 'extra large' Subbutteo footballers suitable for adults.
I.C., Grimsby

WHEN holidaying abroad include a toilet brush and standard lamp in your luggage. Hotels rarely provide toilet brushes, and the lamp will come in handy for reading.
Mrs D. Patterson, Shrewsbury

AVOID backache from bending to pick your tomatoes. Simply dig a trench four feet deep alongside your plants. Step into the trench and you'll find your tomatoes are conveniently at chest height.
John Tagliarini, Sicily

AN old television, with a toaster inside, makes a cheap but effective 'microwave' oven. For making toast.
W. M. Low, Lowick

NEXT time you pop out to the supermarket, glue carpet tiles to the soles of your shoes. They'll make Sainsburys feel like your own living room.
D.P., Bath