THE STRESS DIET


This is a specially formulated diet designed to help people cope with
the stress that builds up during the day.

BREAKFAST:
1x Grapefruit
1x Slice whole wheat toast
1x cup skim milk

LUNCH:
Small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1x cup herbal tea
1x chocolate Hob Nob

AFTERNOON TEA:
The rest of the biscuits in the packet
1x tub of Hagen Daaz Ice Cream with Choc-chip topping
1x Family pack Jaffa Cakes

DINNER:
4x bottles of wine (red or white)
2x loaves Garlic bread
1x Family size Supreme Pizza
3x Snickers Bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK:
Whole frozen Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the Freezer)

DIET RULES:

  1. If no one sees you eat something, it has no calories.
  2. When drinking a diet coke with a chocolate bar, the diet Coke cancels out the sugar in the chocolate bar.
  3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
  4. Food used for medical purposes does not count (eg. hot chocolate, toast, cheesecake and vodka).
  5. If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner.
  6. Cinema related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as intake. This includes popcorn, Maltezers and coke.
  7. Biscuit pieces have no calories because breaking the biscuits up causes calorie leakage.
  8. Foods licked from spoons and forks have no fat if you are in the process of cooking something.
  9. Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of the calorie mass.
  10. Food consumed from someone else's plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person and will cling to his/her plate.
And remember:  Stressed spelt backwards is 'desserts'.