Darwin Awards 2000
They have finally been released!
For those not familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honour
given to the person who provided the universal human gene pool the
biggest service by removing themselves from it in the most
extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has been
keen again. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives
for this event!
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
6. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
5. In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his 22-calibre rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a
rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing
4. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favour of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalised in Andover Township, NJ, in
September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of
dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the
bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to
see what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the
window was closed.
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge
at 4:30am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable
lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and
the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before
the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two
nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was
watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation
for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER:
PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let fly-and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill- fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
Ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him like a dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he
struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued
to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn
police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay
under all that dung for at least an hour before watchman came along,
and during that time he suffocated. "It seems to be just one of those
freak accidents that happen.