**MICROSOFT ANNOUNCEMENT**

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Geordie version of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of Newcastle.

If you have one of the Newcastle editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Newcastle edition may be recognised by looking at the loading screen. It reads Windiz 98 with a background picture of a Brown Ale bottle superimposed on a photograph of the Tyne Bridge. It is shipped with the Brown Ale screen saver.

Also note:

The Recycle Bin is labelled 'Aal ya shite'
Dialup Networking is called 'Me mates'
Control Panel is known as 'How te fuck aboot wi the settins'
The Hard Drive is referred to as 'Big disk'
Floppies are known as 'Them litil plastic bastads'

Other Features:

OK = it's alreet
cancel = fuck that
yes = aye
no= nee fuckin' chance
find = gan gerit ya fucking sel'
go to = owa there
help = ah cannit dee it
stop = divvent move
start = hadaway and shite
settings = settins
programs = stuff that dis stuff
personal folder = me shite

Also note that Windiz 98 does not recognise capital letters or
punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Windiz 98:

tiperiter = a word processor
cullarin book = a graphics package
addin masheen = calculator
tunes = CD player
pikchas = a graphics viewer
toon = a spreadsheet of Newcastle United FC's recent scores
bevvy = local off-licences by area code and price of Brown Ale
tax records = usually an empty file

We regret any inconvenience it may cause if you received a copy of the Newcastle edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.