Actual epitaphs from gravestones...

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young

In a London cemetery:
Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann
Dec. 8, 1767

In a Ribbesford cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife
And the Devil sent him Anna

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays Butch
We planted him raw
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.

A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer
And that is Strange

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody
Who, is no business
Of yours

Lester Moore was a Wells Fargo agent buried in the Boot Hill Cemetry in Tombtone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More

In a Georgia cemetery:
"I told you I was sick!"

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne cemetery:
Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig four feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny

On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:
She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her

In a cemetery in Hartscombe:
On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go

Owen Moore's grave in Battersea:
Gone away
Owin' more
Than he could pay

Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:
In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood enclosed in wood
One wood within another.
The outer wood is very good:
We cannot praise the other.

On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:
Ellen Shannon
Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R. E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903 -- Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

In a cemetery in Eyam, Derbyshire, the father of a family killed by the plague:
Remember Man
As Thou Gost By
As Thou Art Now
Even So Was I:
As I Doe Now
So Must Thou Lye.
Remember Man
That Thou Shalt Die.