Confession

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional.

A few minutes later, a woman comes in and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks "What did you do?" The woman says, "I committed adultery."
Priest: "How many times?"
Woman: "Three times."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put £5 in the box and go and sin no more."

A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do?"
Man: "I committed adultery."
Priest:"How many times?"
Man: "Three times."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put £5 in the box and go and sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves.
A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Rabbi:"What did you do?"
Woman: "I committed adultery."
Rabbi: "How many times?"
Woman: "Once."
Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for £5."


Sales

A housewife took a lover during the day while her husband is at work. While this takes place she locks her 9 year old son in the wardrobe.

One day her husband comes home while the lover is there so she locks her lover in the same wardrobe with the boy. They stand in the gloom for a while, then the boy says, "Dark in here."
"Yes it is."
"I have a baseball."
"That's nice."
"Wanna buy it?"
"No."
"My dad's out there."
"OK, I'll buy it. How much?"
"£25.00."
"Shit. OK, I'll buy it."

A week later the man is over again. The boy is locked in the wardrobe again. The father comes home again. The man is locked in the wardrobe with the boy again. They stand in the gloom until the boy says: "Dark in here."
"Yes, it is."
"I have a baseball glove."
"That's nice.
"Wanna buy it?"
Remembering the previous week, the man says, "sure, how much?"
"£75.00."
"Fine."

The following weekend the father says to the boy, "Son, go get your baseball and glove and let's play catch."
"I can't dad. I sold them."
"Really? For how much?"
£100.00.
"Son you shouldn't rip your friends off like that. We didn't pay anything like that for those. I'm taking you to the Priest and I want you to confess to him."

They go to the church to the confessional. The boy goes in and sits down. The little door opens so the Priest can hear his confession.
"What is your sin, my son?"
"Dark in here."
"Don't start that shit again."